Control of Emotions Takes Practice

Attitude is the key factor in surviving stress. The emotional conflicts of life will continue to pound you even when the facts are all on your side – so occasionally the best course is to accept and deal with the issue in the most positive manner possible. An author named Bill Borcherdt has created a very readable, helpful book entitled The REBT Resource Book for Practitioners, 2000, [published by Albert Ellis Institute, New York, New York]. In this book he develops a listing of concepts for coping. I have used some of the items in his list (paraphrased – my apologies to him) along with some of my own suggestions. In custody and any emotional litigation, use of these ‘attitude adjustments’ can be extremely helpful.

1. What is past is behind me. My opportunities consist of today and my future.

2. Better for me to concentrate on what I'm doing today rather than on what I did or didn't do yesterday or in times past.

3. Better to live productively in the present than to stew about the past.

4. The past isn't going to get any better.

5. Announcing excuses about the past, and casting blame on others, will not make me a better person today.

6. Poor decisions and unfortunate events in the past do not have to be repeated in the present.

7. Negative gossip about others (true or not) will not make me a better person and may only fuel conflict which should have died away.

8. Because something once happened doesn't mean that it will occur again or has to continue to happen.

9. No matter how bad any event was, I do not have to allow it to continue to have a negative influence on my life.

10. I cannot rewrite history and change what has already happened.

11. Whining and screaming about the injustices and unfairness of the past will only take a bad situation and make it worse.

12. Having been treated unfairly in the past is all the more reason to be fair to myself and others from this moment forward.

13. Now that I have experienced how not to treat people, I can have a better understanding of how they should be treated.

14. I can use what did not kill me in the past to make myself emotionally strong in the present.

15. I may have suffered some hurt or insult in the past, but I do not have to continue to inflict it upon myself emotionally.

16. Feeling sorry for myself, angry toward others, guilty, or ashamed due to something in the past will only continue to keep me from achieving happiness in the present and future.

17. What I tell myself today is much more important than what others have told me in the past or may say about me in the future.

18. Past experiences do not represent me. Rather, they represent things I have experienced; they do not make me into a better or worse person.

19. The enemy is not my past; the enemy is my way of thinking about myself.

20. What has happened to me is not nearly as important as what I decide to do with it.

21. There is no shame or defeat in seeking help from a counselor, psychologist, support group, friend, or other caring person. Many things in life are accomplished by teamwork.

22. Living well is the best "revenge!"

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