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Topic: Adoption
“Dear
Birth Parent” Letters
By Lynn M. Swank
Many individual who hope to adopt chose to make investigation on their
own, without using a licensed child placing agency or government program.
When they do so, use of some informative material which can be provided to
a prospective birth mother can be very helpful. If you are searching for a
birth parent in an independent (or private) adoption context, some of
these issues should be carefully considered:
Are Birth
Parent letters lawful under the process of YOUR state? The rules vary
from state to state. Although such letters are allowed in most places,
the terms of what can be mentioned, offered or promised to a Birth
parent are very different from state to state. In Georgia they are
permitted within certain guidelines.
How to
you intend to disseminate your letter? Public distribution (or
advertising) is not legal in Georgia. Giving some to friends and
relatives so that they can assist you is typically not a problem.
Mailing copies to strangers with requests that they locate a birth
mother for you is usually discouraged.
Are you
going to reveal your identity? Once disclosed, you cannot take back your
name, address or phone numbers. If the Birth mother honors your request
for non-interference after the child is in your care, then the issue
will not be a problem. For those instances where the Birth Mother (or
members of her extended family) know your location and are obsessed with
having information or contact whether you wish it or not, it is often
best if YOU have control of the decision about release or
confidentiality of your personal data. If you are not revealing your
identity then be careful about those ‘automatic’ things such as
return addresses on your envelope or postage meter marks.
If you
are not revealing your full name, you may wish to use your first names
or some other name by which the birth mother can refer to you. It is
important that she warms to the idea that the baby or child will be
yours. Without some name she will have difficulty in envisioning a
future for the child with you. It helps if you hand sign the letter with
these names to strengthen the sense that this is a special letter
directed to the birth parents specifically.
How will
the Birth Parent communicate back in response to your letter? Do you
have ‘intermediaries, such as your adoptive attorney, a trusted
friend, a minister or some other person listed in the text so that
replies to the resume can be cycled back to you?
Will you
include photographs? In this modern time, most letters without pictures
lack the zest necessary to attract and hold the attention of the reader.
Use of photos may jeopardize the confidentially of your identity,
however. Consider using a photo to promote a theme or tone rather than
to show your faces. Seeing you involved in activities which give her
‘good vibes’ may cause a Birth Mother to feel a kindred spirit with
you. A professional frontal portrait may never have that magnetism.
Caution: most birth mothers will not read carefully enough to determine
captions to photos before they get a general impression. Don’t use a
photo holding a baby or another child unless you have other children in
your home and wish to convey that fact. Otherwise, when a Birth mother
sees a photo of a prospective adoptive parent holding a baby (even a
niece or nephew) she may assume that you already have a baby of your
own.
What is
the age range or general educational level of the birth mother you hope
to have hold and read this letter? The grammar, word choice, and
information conveyed will be very different when directed to a fifteen
year old girl as opposed to a woman in her late twenties who has a few
years of college. If you are speaking to someone who works a shift in a
textile mill, then what you convey should be less technical than what
you would say to a legal secretary who is a single mother and cannot
support a second child.
You do
not have to give ‘legal’ information in this letter. First you need
to reach the attention of the birth mother or father. Then questions can
be answered. Don’t make your letter too long or too technical.
Explain
why you wish to adopt. I don’t encourage you to explain about medical
and personal catastrophes even though they have shaped your entire life
and pushed you to the adoptive decision. If you begin to compare number,
type and consequences of medical backgrounds, there will always be
someone who comes along with a ‘worse’ story than yours. Most birth
parents are looking for healthy, happy, stable adoptive couples. They
would not wish to think that your miscarriage or surgical travails are
the focus of your lives and would interfere with your parenting of THIS
child.
Read your
final letter aloud and have it read by persons who have no prior
knowledge of what you hope to accomplish. Be guided by their reactions.
You may
ultimately need to have more than one birth parent letter, or be flexible
enough to send a follow-up to your first generic one after some specifics
of a potential situation become known. This is not a resume. You are not
seeking a job in that sense. Dates, specifics about current and prior
employment, and academic background are not needed. Most birth parents
want to know why you would be a good parent to their child – not if you
are going to make the Who’s Who in America.
Good luck with your search.
POST
ADOPTION – FINDING BIOLOGICAL FAMILY
By: Lynn
M. Swank
As
an attorney who has spent years in working with adoptive situations,
I can state with certainty that the issue of locating members of
‘the other family’ is one which arises in most adoptions as years
pass. The question may be brought up by a Birth Mother seeking information
about the adoptive family. The Adopted person may ask about his
or her genetic family. There may be siblings who wish to have information.
Each person has an emotional investment in the outcome of their
search. If a person is adopted as a newborn, he or she may
have little information about their cultural heritage and family
medical history. Even children adopted later in life develop an
awareness that they have missing links somewhere over the horizon
with which they might like to connect. Who am I? Am I descended
from famous or notorious people? Do I have innate talents I should
be developing? Will I have a vulnerability to certain illnesses?
Do I have sisters or brothers? Many flail at clues and spend enormous
amounts of time and money to find related yet not-related persons.
Let’s examine the issue from several perspectives:
First,
does an Adopted Person have the RIGHT to know the identities of
biological mother and father?
Second,
does the biological family have a right to privacy?
Third,
what right to all of the parties have to medical or background
information? What about the rights of children of the adopted
person?
Then,
if we concede the search will occur, what methods are available?
The
Cast: The
people involved in this issue are not just the Adopted Person and
the Birth Mother. There are other individuals who could be involved,
some with great emotional or social injury. Consider the Biological
Father or Father candidates. There may be biological relatives on
each side, especially siblings or half siblings. And consider the
Adoptive Family.
Is
it legal to search?
In most states there is no statute, either criminal or civil, which
prohibits biological family members from attempting to search each
other out. As will be mentioned later in the article, many states
now have special agencies or procedures which will aid the searching
party to get information about pre-adoptive circumstances or the
status of biological relatives. However, the lack of a specific
statute does not mean that any search is legally proper. Every person
in the United States has some right to privacy, though it may vary
in certain circumstances. If a birth mother concealed her pregnancy
and did not tell her family or subsequent husband about the child,
then it could be devastating to her in later life to have that secret
revealed. This would be true even if the contact by the searching
Adoptee is to an aunt or grandparent. The secret is still out. Defamation
is an issue. This is damage to the reputation of a person by a written
statement or image (libel) or an oral comment (slander). There have
been a number of cases in the United States where the adoptee has
been held responsible for openly ‘suspecting’ that so-and-so was
his biological father and that individual claims damage to his reputation,
marriage relationship or some other aspect of his life due to what
may or may not be an unjustified claim. Some searchers have been
charged with trespass, stalking, invasion of privacy and other offenses
to personal rights.
Should an Adopted Child search?
Should adopted persons be allowed to investigate what was essentially
‘over and done with’ as a part of the legal adoptive process? In
many cases, the adopted person has insecurities, regrets, or concerns
which could be easily swept aside if real knowledge is obtained
– that she is not the child of a criminal, that her mother did not
‘throw her away,’ and so forth. However in some cases, the truth
can hurt, such as when those things did happen. But does the adopted
individual have a RIGHT to look? The reality is that the child did
not have a part in the decision to change families. The child was
an important but non-voting part of the process and stands emotionally
and genetically in limbo. Many adopted persons are urgently loved
and, when found, are accepted wholeheartedly into the biological
families. Within certain safeguards, adopted persons should have
the right to ask questions when they have reached appropriate maturity.
Should the birth parents and siblings have a right to search?
This question
usually encounters less resistance. If the adopted person has reached
adulthood and there is no criminal (blackmail or extortion) motivation,
then birth family are generally not criticized for searching. The
adopted person should have learned by adulthood that an adoption
occurred. Although forty years ago, the existence of an adoption
might have been concealed in an adoptive context, since then the
concept has evolved and most adopted persons are told as children
and learn to accept the process as just another creative way to
form a family. In this type of search, then, we don’t have the same
degree of risk of damage to reputation which can exist when a child
searches for birth family.
Should the Adoptive Parents have the right to prohibit the contact?
While
the adopted person is under the age of majority or remains financially
dependent upon the adoptive parents, there should be some amount
of control which the adoptive parents can legally exert. The existence
of a communicating birth family often means that there are conflicting
views on parenting and discipline. Teens, whether adopted or biologically
born into a family, typically need rules and boundaries. For these
reasons, most states do not encourage any search efforts by any
adoptive or birth family member until the child has passed the age
of majority or older.
If
a search is appropriate, how can it be done?
There are a number of routes, some are more accessible and effective
that others:
1.
Reunion Registries:
Many states and countries now have registries which are maintained
by their social services department where the Adopted Person, a
Birth Parent or a Sibling can make application to be given information
about the other(s). Generally these registries require that the
adopted person have reached the age of twenty one years before the
search will be accepted. However, listing of identity and consent
to be contacted can be registered at the time the adoptive placement
occurs or any time thereafter. The Registry to be used would be
that of the state where the adoption occurred, but many searching
persons also register with the agencies in the states where the
birth parents were known to live, where the birth occurred, and
where the adoptive parents lived at the time if different from the
place where the adoption occurred. There is often a small fee for
the search, but the process is particularly effective because the
social services agency has access to the original court file, with
details about identities, locations and relatives.
(a)
If the Reunion Registry cannot locate the other person, they report
that fact and often provide non-identifying information about the
adoptee’s background, or,(b) If the Reunion Registry locates the
other person but that person refuses to allow information to be
released, then often the Registry agent can still obtain updated
medical information, or
(c)
Frequently, the Reunion Registry locates the other person who then
agrees to the contact, and the parties are reunited.
An
example of a Reunion Registry is maintained by the Georgia Department
of Human Resources, http://www.adoptions.dhr.state.ga.us/reunion.htm.
2.
Private, often internet based, registries:
there are a number of bulletin boards, and registries which accept
information from searchers, to be matched with other searchers if
the opportunity arises. For examples, look at the International
Soundex Reunion Registry. This is a non-profit service. Send a sase
to: ISRR, P.O. Box 2312, Carson City, Nevada 89702 or look at RootsWeb
WorldConnect Project: http://worldconnect.genealogy.rootsweb.com/
3.
Inquire with the attorney or agency who handled the adoption initially.
Many of
us retain letters or other information which is to be provided to
the adopted person upon request. We may also have information in
our files which would allow us to communicate with birth parents
and other interested parties. Some birth parents maintain regular
ongoing contact so that the attorney or agency has current authorization
to release materials if the adoptee should ever inquire.
4.
Petition the Court to open the adoptive records.
Adoptions are typically sealed court proceedings so a new separate
Court action is required to open the file. Typically, some need-to-know
must be demonstrated to the Court, such as the urgency to get medical
background in order to assist with the diagnosis or treat of a disease.
This Court procedure is not the most easy route, and may result
in little or no information being provided. Keep in mind, particularly
in adoptions which happened prior to the mid-1970’s, it was the
adoptive family who was being scrutinized – not the birth mother.
Information on her may be limited to a name, and, in my experience
(since no verification of her information was required) birth mothers
often provided false names and addresses. It was not until adoptive
laws began to require that the attorney or agency provide medical
background data forms and itemizations of medical expenditures to
the Court, that the attorney began to handle more detailed information
about the birth mother, including often her social security number
since it is usually associated with her medical record. With that
social security number, and consent left by the birth mother, tracing
her present whereabouts (even though marital name changes) is usually
an easy matter.
5. Look at the newspaper archives of the major and minor newspapers
which were published in the County where the child was born.
When newspapers
still printed birth announcements as a part of their public function,
they often printed announcements of babies intended for adoption
because the newspaper staff had no knowledge of the underlying facts.
Further, the decision to release a child may not have been made
at birth, but instead, weeks, months or years later. These published
announcements are listed by birth date, with birth mother’s name
(and father’s if used in connection with the birth certificate).
6. Speak with the physician, nurses or others who provided services
to the Birth Mother during her pregnancy and the birth.
They may have personal
knowledge of the situation and can often be identified though the
medical records or birth certificate if the attending physician’s
name was not removed when the certificate was re-written after the
adoption . There are hundreds of other methods. Any
standard genealogy technique can be used in this type of search.
However, at all times and for all purposes, remember that your specific
point of view is not the only one, nor the most important. Other
people can be irrevocably benefited or injured by your efforts.
Adoption brings great joy and great sadness – often by the same
act.
Ethical Musings
Despite
the general public perception, attorneys do worry about making the
best possible decisions within the most appropriate ethical guidelines.
There are rules, laws, consequences – but rarely are there clear-cut
answers. In this section issues will be raised, but not answered.
As you will see there may be many goals but few solutions. If you
have thoughts, suggestions or opinions, please email them back and
they may be added by later update.
Laws in the
United States give strong protection to the birth parents of a child.
Their right to parent, if they so choose and are not unfit, is enforced
by law -- even if these biological parents are minors themselves.
So, if an adoption plan is made, the birth parents must be identified
and consent to the relinquishment of their parental rights, or those
rights must be waived or forfeited in some ‘legal’ manner. Further,
the child deserves genetic, medical and genealogical data about
his or her ancestry which can only come from truthful disclosure
by the true parents. Now comes the problem – best illustrated by
example:
Birth Mother
is 15 years old at the time she gives birth to the child. She
wishes to release the child for adoption and understands that
the adoptive parents are nervous about the rights of any male
who might claim to be the biological father. She is told that
she has the right not to disclose the name of the father but that
many judges in Georgia will require her to do so. Forms she is
presented which are contained in the Georgia Code state that a
man can sign as the ‘alleged’ father which does not lock him into
parental responsibility should she choose to parent but does give
consent for adoptive purposes.
Georgia
has a Putative Father Registry on which the biological father
can list his name if he wishes to parent or to be involved in
the adoptive placement decision.
Snag:
If a birth mother is age sixteen or less at the time that she
gives birth, then the conception may have occurred (as a matter
of provable scientific fact) prior to her attaining her sixteenth
birthday. In Georgia sex by a man or a woman with a partner less
than sixteen years old is statutory rape, even if the ‘child’
is consenting and enticing. The penalty for statutory rape is
1 to 20 years imprisonment, but if the older partner is over the
age of 21 then the penalty range is 10 to 20 years. However, to
protect teens with racing hormones, if the victim is 14 or 15
years of age and the person charged is less than three years older,
then it is a misdemeanor. It is a crime in any event.
So, the legal
process in adoption requires that a birth mother identify the
father of the child. If she is under age sixteen then she is providing
evidence which can be used for many purposes that a man has committed
statutory rape. If she is over age 16 but names a birth father
who is younger, then she will be confessing her participation
in a crime. The child’s existence, through DNA sampling, is tangible
proof of the offense.
The father
must be named, and his rights or potential claims properly terminated,
or he will be a risk to the adoption – even though we now use Putative
Father Registries and other mechanisms to attempt to close out his
claims. If named, then the issue of potential criminal prosecution
(with a very long statute of limitations) is present. If the biological
father lists himself on the Registry, then he, himself is providing
very public confession of his criminal participation.
So, the
issue to an attorney involved in the adoption process, relates to
the obligation to disclose to these young people the risk in which
they might be placing themselves or their former partners. Typically
the attorney is representing the adoptive parents and is charged
with accomplishing all aspects of the adoption in the most complete
legal manner possible. To tell a birth mother that she is exposing
her former partner to criminal prosecution if she names him makes
it highly unlikely that she will wish to do so. If she does not
properly name the male, then the termination of his claims may be
incomplete and give her AND him a later loophole for challenging
the finality of the adoption.
Disclosure
of the problem, omission of the details, telling the birth mother
that she should have her own legal counsel on this issue. . . .
each may be a partial solution. None seems to be without its disadvantages.
Many are not ethically appropriate.
Discussion
is welcomed, please click here to make your comments.
Since posting
this example, there have been two responses emailed giving their
reactions. They will be followed by Lynn Swank's comment.
|
Response:
"No man who is not married to the girl should have
a say in what happens to the baby. The girl's parents
are the ones who have to deal with the situation. They
should be the only ones to make a decision about adoption."
Lady in Oklahoma.
Lynn
Swank's comment: The laws in this country give constitutional
protection to every individual so the issue of 'married'
or 'not-married' faded out in the 1970's. If a man chooses
to parent and is not unfit, there are procedures where
he can assert his parental rights and become the legal
(and even custodial) father to the child. Further, in
most states, the teenage mother is legally the only person
who can make decisions for the baby and for herself. Upon
proof of pregnancy she may have the right to marry without
her parents consent. In reality, in many situations, the
teenage mother faces the pregnancy without the support
of her parents, and often without any financial assistance
from anyone except the welfare services or the government
of the State in which she lives.
|
|
Response:
"The man has committed a crime and should be automatically
excluded from being a father to the baby." Identification
of the author not noted.
Lynn
Swank's comment: Interestingly enough, the situation
is often very complicated where there is no clear 'victim'
and no clear 'criminal.' Both biological parents may be
heavy drug users. Both may be shoplifting to support themselves.
The mother may have engaged in prostitution for her support.
Also, the girl may have been the one who took advantage
of a younger male, and therefore the 'sexual' offender.
Rarely can we look at the labels to make decisions on
parental rights.
|
When Adoptions Go Bad
By: Lynn M. Swank
Sounds
like the caption for a badly drawn cartoon, doesn’t it? Shallow
and narrow minded - much like the snap judgments which some people
make when they hear an adoptive parent speaking of problems occurring
within an adoptive situation. Adoptive parents are expected to be
grateful for whatever child they get. Sort of ‘caveat emptor’ –
let the buyer beware. ‘You sought out, bought, and paid for this
child. How dare you complain?’ This is particularly true with ‘international’
placements. ‘You saved this child from a life of terrible deprivation.
Surely you knew what you were getting into.’
But
often, there is little preparation by the adoptive agencies or facilitators
for the long term emotional effects that childhood abuse and deprivation
can bring. This may lead to trouble when older children are adopted,
domestically or from other countries. Everyone, ourselves included,
comes through life as the accumulation of all of our experiences,
our emotional baggage. Even drastic changes in lifestyles do not
erase prior problems. With infants the baggage is less but there
are other unknowns. With babies we deal with issues of fetal alcohol
syndrome, malnutrition and neo-natal or genetic issues. Determination
of paternity may be less clear. Most of these problems are not obvious
to the view of hopeful adoptive parents seeing the child for the
first time -- particularly adoptive parents who are in another culture,
where they cannot speak the language, have no access to specialized
resources other than through the representatives of their adoptive
agency, and are emotionally psyched to adore their chosen child
and race home.
Every country and every adoption is different. Just because you
have paid a fee to the same agency which assisted your friend
does not mean that you receive an equivalent adoption. It is fact
that in some sites the process of adoption is very political,
in others it is a function of social services. Keep in mind that
in international placements the question should usually be asked,
"Why is this child being released to parents who are not citizens
of this country?"
Assumption:
The Agency to whom you paid a fee has pre-qualified the situation
and is standing at your side throughout. We fervently wish. In
some cases it is true. Some agencies are skilled, attentive, and
totally committed to service. Others accept your fee, identify
a child and then step totally away from any issues or problems
which you might have (unless bad media publicity starts to hurt
their revenues).
Nowhere
have post-adoptive problems been more visible than in the recently
publicized case of "Samantha" aired on 48 Hours [a CBS Video
newsmagazine on February 10, 2000]. In that case the Adoptive Parents
contended that they did not get accurate and complete medical information
prior to their Russian adoptions of a nine year old little girl
and a two year old little boy or for years afterward until they
investigated deeply on their own. In the CBS broadcast, Nina Kostina,
the Executive Director of the Agency (Frank Foundation and Frank
Adoption Center) made a clear statement to the effect that ‘when
the Adoptive Parents got to the Russian orphanage, they had more
access to information than we, the Agency, did. They could have
asked questions.’
The
truth in most foreign adoptions is that regardless of how carefully
the adoptive parents seek information, it is being filtered, intentionally
or unintentionally, through a number of levels – translators, revised
documents, privacy laws, stacks of paperwork which may have little
or no relevance, and lack of direct contact with the personnel who
actually have true information.
So,
we have completed adoptions where the families return to the United
States with a child who is legally one of them but not a United
States citizen. The child will be covered by that Adoptive family’s
health insurance policy as a ‘dependent child’ but only to the extent
of the policy benefits. The family is probably not ‘indigent’ as
a matter of definition, so when a problem arises (physical, emotional,
or mental) with this child, the Adoptive Family may be left without
resources when medical expenses run into the hundreds of thousands
of dollars. The State of residence probably will not help no citizenship,
not financially indigent The Federal Government will have similar
restrictions, as well as an Immigration barrier a ‘statement of
financial responsibility for the child’ which the adoptive parents
signed at the time they brought the new family member into the country.
As long as the Adoptive Parents have a financial dime, they must
care for the child without assistance from the Government. Health
insurance will not extend beyond the policy limits which in the
case of mental illness are woefully small for serious problems.
Juvenile Courts and law enforcement will not become involved in
‘adoptive family matters’ if at all possible. Where Georgia citizens
complain that our Department of Family and Childrens Service or
Juvenile Investigators become involved too soon and too actively
in their lives in circumstances of delinquent behavior by a child,
in international adoptive situations the reverse is true. Where
one Russian child threatens to kill or maim another Russian child
in their American family home, the authorities stand back and say
that they have no resources to deal with the aggressive child, and
suggest other agencies to call.
So
what do you do when your adopted child expresses the intention and
then follows through repeatedly with efforts to kill or maim other
members of the family? If it were not an adoptive situation, there
would be no criticism of the family in seeking all possible avenues
of help. Because the child was adopted, however, everyone has an
opinion most of it that the Adoptive Family has failed the child
in some way.
International
adoptions may result in children who later develop physical problems.
Those can be tragic, whether medically correctable or not. Mental
issues can be altogether different. Attachment disorders, oppositional
defiant disorders, obsessive compulsive behaviors the labels go
on. We are dealing with children who, through abuse, neglect and
other facets of their early environment, may have been made into
psychopaths and sociopaths at incredibly young ages. They may have
undisclosed, undiscoverable birth defects which manifest later in
life. They may have been exposed to physical, sexual and emotional
abuse which we cannot comprehend or deal with in any way.
So,
the point of this article, as I ache with the Adoptive Parents of
‘Samantha’ (with whom I have had the privilege to work), is that
even with the best of preparation and research, the best of investigation,
the most incredible love some problems cannot be cured easily. Some
problems cannot be cured at all. Some choices cannot be made without
hurting someone. And no parent should ever have to decide between
the lives of their two children. But if the parents must --- no
one else should ever dare to presume that they as outsiders can
understand or would have made better choices.
How much effort should be made to involve a Biological Father
in the adoption process?
Tens
of thousands of individuals are actively searching to locate an
appropriate child to adopt into their family. Tens of thousands
of children are in circumstances where they should be raised by
someone other than the persons who gave them biological life. Putting
those people together is a challenge
Whether
working through a placement by a State social services agency, a
licensed child placing agency, or an independent placement, at some
point in an adoption the parental rights of the birth mother must
be surrendered or terminated so that she has no legal connection
to the child. Procedures to separate the rights of the birth mother
are well defined. Problems arise, however, when we look at the rights
of men.
These
‘daddy’ rights can be broken into categories under Georgia law:
When
a man is the legal husband of the woman, or has legitimated the
child through court action, then his rights must be handled with
the same formality as those of the birth mother.
When a man is known by name and location, then he should be given
actual notification that an adoption is in progress.
When a man is not identified by the birth mother, then some additional
procedure must be undertaken to determine if there is a man who
would qualify for the role.
If the biological father is known to the birth mother but she
refuses to give information about him, then an assessment of the
risk must be made.
When
the man is involved with the birth mother and available to cooperate
or refuse to accept the adoptive process, then he can be made part
of a court action to determine the legality of the placement. Though
time delays may be involved, there will be an eventual solution
to the question of ‘does he have rights or not?’
When
the birth mother cannot give a name and address or it is suspected
that the information she has given is not correct, then problems
surface which may have no straight-forward solution. This may be
best reviewed by example:
Example
one: A birth mother says that she conceived while on vacation
during a fling with a man named ‘Tony’ whose last name she does
not remember. He said he lived in Chicago but the vacation was
in Galveston, Texas. This situation would indicate that the man
is a ‘transient inseminator’ but Due Process under the United
States Constitution (as well as under the Constitution of the
State of Georgia) would require that he be given the opportunity
to know that he’s a father and the right to make a decision about
his intentions. Here notice by publication might appropriately
be required in the place where the adoption is being filed, the
place where the conception occurred, and the place where the birth
father was believed to live. The objective is to make certain
that he does not appear later and contend that he would have raised
the baby himself if he had only known about the birth.
Example
Two: The Birth Mother swears that she had relations with several
men and cannot guess which of them is the biological father of
the child. Suggestion: scientific certainty is not required. Notice
is the important factor. If each man is contacted and is willing
to deny paternity, then maximum protection can be achieved. The
risk in an adoption is a man who wants to parent, not a horde
of men who do not.
Example
Three: The Birth Mother names a man she dates but fails to
name her fiancé with whom she had lived for the preceding year
before the pregnancy became discernable. This is the horror story
from which television movies are made. If not properly investigated,
then the outcome could be a post-adoption challenge by the birth
mother through a cooperative man who is able to PROVE that he
is the biological father of the child and did not know of the
adoptive placement. An illustration I often use is that reliance
on how the birth mother feels today about the man is no guarantee.
In two years she may have totally altered her allegiance and want
to draw him to her by means of this child. . . Or she might wish
to use his cooperation so that SHE can recover the child for herself.
. .Or she might have an automobile fender-bender with his vehicle
at a stop sign a year down the line and in an irate moment reveal
something like ‘You’re a swine and I gave away your baby.’ This
man is a huge risk because he was never involved in the choices
relating to the adoption and may have due process rights which
cannot be cut off by mere passage of time.
What
about the Putative Father Registry in Georgia? Wouldn’t that
be protection to the adoptive parents? The answer is that this registry
is important, but exists in this State. A very few other states
have registries but there is no national bulletin board to which
men can look. In the first example above, how would a man know to
register in Georgia if he only saw the Birth Mother in Texas. How
would he understand the need to register if he were still living
with the Birth Mother and she merely took time away "to care for
a sick relative" or because "her job took her away," and he didn’t
have knowledge of the baby conception or birth? Sounds as if he
were blind, stupid and deaf, but some birth mothers can deceive
everyone about them regarding their medical status right up to the
last minute. Think of well publicized cases where the Birth mother
delivers the baby at a college prom or on a weekend away from her
parents’ home.
Each
and every situation must be examined in light of the people involved,
their specific facts, and with knowledge of the risks the adoptive
parents are willing to assume. A trained professional should be
retained early in the search procedure to identify and reduce the
jeopardy in every way possible.
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